Mom Jean Confessions: Let’s Get Real

Last week I had started a draft for this blog post with a working title of “Happy Place.” Except a lot’s happened between now and then. As I laid awake after a much needed cry fest last night, the only thing I could think of was that it was time for me to “get real.” Too often we feel the pressures of putting on that happy face, even though we know well and good we are holding back tears or anxieties that eventually come to a head when we’re least expecting it. Last night was one of those times. I was preparing to give my son a bath just like any other night, but this night he insisted on having a “boo boo” that was going to hurt if he put his foot in the water. Oh dear. So for a solid five minutes (felt like 30) I tried every bribe in the book, until tears ensued and dad walked in asking buddy what’s wrong. To which I went off on a lightening speed explanation on why I’m so frustrated after trying to negotiate with a toddler for ten minutes, which results in said dad backing out of the bathroom slowly, very slowly.

We made it through bath time unscathed, barely, but I just couldn’t let it go. But what was it that I couldn’t let go of? Was it the fact that every time I can’t successfully communicate with my toddler it makes me feel like my thousands of dollars in student loans for that communication studies degree was a waste? Amusing thought, but no. As I laid down in bed and muttered “good night” to Grant, that’s when it hit me. I was scared. Scared that I was losing control. Not of my toddler, cuz seriously, the only person in control of a toddler – is a toddler. I was scared of losing control of this mom life that I had finally adjusted to and truly was in my “happy place” – all to have it thrown out the window three months from now with the arrival of a certain little lady. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that this all happened just days before rounding out my six months of pregnancy. Or, the fact that we took Garrett to see Boss Baby earlier in the day (do I need to say spoiler alert for a kids movie? Ok, “spoiler alert”) – it’s the story of a sweet kid who loves being an only child and gets blindsided by the news of his parents having another baby. It shows them doing all the things they used to do with him, but now with the baby instead (p.s., the song “Blackbird” is officially ruined for me). Um, yeah, *trigger warning* much?

So as I start to whimper, my hubs realizes I’m crying and asks what’s wrong in the sweet and caring way he always does. I of course shrug my shoulders a few times, until I finally admit just how bad I feel for Garrett and for losing my patience with him. He reassures me that I’m not the only mom that happens to, and tells me not to worry about it because Garrett had completely forgotten it already. He’s right, he’s always right damnit. But for some reason, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I finally choked out that I was now afraid of how having this baby was going to change everything. He paused for a few seconds, and said “Right, but it will be a good change.” My husband may be a man of few words, but they’re the right words I always need to hear. He went on to tell me that he knows how much I love Garrett and how much he is the center of my world these days, and that sometimes it would be good for me to just let him do his thing without me needing to be there at his every beck and call. Yep, you guessed it. Right again. So a funny thing happened. The very next day I did just that. I decided to just let Garrett “be” and do whatever he wanted without me having to “mom so hard” as Grant endearingly calls it. I did the dishes, about seven loads of laundry, organized my closet and Grant’s, and the icing on the cake – took a freaking shower! All the while, Garrett used his imagination to play with his hot wheels, make music in his room, brush his teeth all by himself, and climb up onto the kitchen counter to steal candy (ok that last one I wasn’t crazy about, but I commended him for his ingenuity).

Now, as I sit down to reflect on all of it, I am finally starting to feel at peace. At peace that while nothing can prepare you for what it will be like bringing another child into this world – I know without a doubt that our little family will be more blessed than I can even imagine. At peace that it’s ok if I feel scared right now and questioning if I will be able to handle all that comes with the territory of a baby and a toddler in the house. I can’t think of a better support system than the one I have in my husband and family surrounding us, who would drop everything just to be there when I need them. So here goes nothing, or should I say everything…

photo cred: Marlo Carroll Photography

Shop the Look:

c/o Krisp Clothing (non-maternity), Navy Jersey Maxi Dress & Classic Hooded Parka Jacket

Anthropologie, Pam Hiran Waving Pennant Necklace (old, found here and here)

Dolce Vita from Nordstrom Rack, ‘Jasmyn’ Ghillie Sandal

 

 

Date Night: Dinner Under the Stars

Sign #1 that you are in desperate need of a date night: You catch yourselves referring to each other in the third person as “mom” and “dad” on more than one occasion. Yah, not cool man, not cool. So for a night, Grant and I got to leave our alter egos at home, in exchange for an intimate dinner event thrown by Los Angeles magazine at the Malibu Café at Calamigos Ranch (doesn’t that just roll off the tongue?).

Closet Offenders: Happy Clothesgiving

In light of the holiday season among us, and instead of falling victim to the Black Friday and Cyber Monday hoopla, I decided to finally do a closet purge and donate all my unwanted clothes. Luckily my office building is doing a clothing/toy drive, and I imagine many are this time of year. I also plan on donating some of my more business appropriate clothing & shoes to the local Dress for Success affiliate in West LA.

To take a step back – I was inspired to go through with my own closet cleanout after reading a style essay in ELLE recounting one woman’s attempt to embrace her thirties. Her mission was simply to clean out all the clothes she had held onto in a desperate attempt to stay young. I suddenly realized that I had been doing the same thing – holding onto clothes that had sentimental value, drumming up memories of my college years or shopping trips in NYC. So one night, I went from rack to rack and shelf to shelf, tossing clothes into bags one after another. I have to admit, it felt damn good – like I was finally going to be free of the past and heading towards being a real thirty-something adult.

My Week in Style: Safari Tuesday

Today I chose to pick a trend and commit to it from head to toe. I find it helps turn what could be a 15 min. outfit selection into a swift 5 min. – try it next time you find yourself staring into the oblivion of your closet.

When I first spotted the safari style a couple years back, I knew the key piece worth investing in would be a pair of fitted cargo pants. Around that same time Martin + Osa (the former American Eagle designer boutique) was going out of business, and there just happened to be one right around the corner from my office. With everything 70% off, I felt even more safe in my decision to try out the safari trend, and nabbed a pair of deep army green cargo pants.

I’ve since then added some key accessories, like a pair of rustic ankle boots from All Saints that I’ve literally been living in ever since I bought the last pair from Bloomingdales – god bless that sales person who hunted them down for me, no pun intended…

Striped Tank & Cargo Pants: Martin + Osa (splurge vs. steal). Blazer: Urban Outfitters (similar here and here). Boots: All Saints. Jewelry: cuff was a gift from my grandma, and turqouise ring was handed down by my mom, circa 1970. Sunglasses: random boutique buy from The Grove (cool acetate pair here).

My Week in Style: Casual Mondays

I’m trying out a new post I’d like to call “My Week in Style.” Inspired by my morning ritual of browsing my closet to find the just right/perfect outfit that fits both my mood and the day ahead of me.

I’ve found that choosing one article of clothing – whether a top or bottom, jeans or a blazer, dress or a skirt – is the easiest way to start the styling process. I also picked up a habit of hanging multiple looks from one hanger to help visualize the outfit. That is, until one night I left one too many hangers dangling, and they all came crashing down – which equaled waking up convinced a 3.0 earthquake just occurred inside our bedroom.

This little incident had me heading to the one place anyone goes for hardware…Anthropologie, naturally. Not that I’m above Home Depot, but over the years I’ve developed a mini love affair with Anthropologie’s kitchen knobs, handles, hooks – you name it. So when my eye spied these Soda Fountain Hooks, I knew they’d do just the trick.

Now if I could only get to work on time…

Denim Jacket: Old Navy. Dress: From a boutique in NYC, so long ago – wish I could remember. Sunglasses: Old Navy. Black Leather Wrap Bracelet: Brandy Melville. Sandals: Matiko (similar ones here and here).

My Week in Style: Denim + Lace

This Sunday, after we realized that a trip to the beach just wasn’t in the cards, I tried my hand at helping Grant find a custom tailored dress shirt with a “real man’s collar” (I learned, that apparently there’s an over-abundance of wimpy ones out there, and it needs to be put to an end). So we hit up the usual shopping spots along the Santa Monica promenade, but alas, the search continues…

Now onto this little denim and lace ensemble. I’m a true believer that every woman needs that go-to accessory that can punch up a look – no matter how basic or casual. In guy terms, it’s typically a watch referred to as “the heavy-hitter” – for me, it’s my Pam Hiran beaded necklace. Mind you, I spotted it at Anthropologie months ago – but like many women before me, I waited for it to go on sale. Needless to say I obsessed over it in the coming weeks (naturally because I couldn’t find it at any Anthropologie within a 10 mile radius – believe me, I looked), and it wasn’t until I put my keen online shopping skills to good use, that I managed to snag what seemed to be the last living one on earth!

So bear with me if it makes an appearance in more than one post – a girl’s got the right to flaunt, right?

Denim Shirt: The Gap (Madewell’s ex-boyfriend shirt is identical). Lace Mini Skirt: Zara. Platform Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell (Urban Outfitters carries these and these). Necklace: Pam Hiran (feast your eyes on these Anthropologie statement necklaces). Nail Polish: Essie A Crewed Interest. Hawaiian Abalone Shell Cuff: Gift from my grandma. Friendship Bracelets: Target. Gold Ring & Chain Bracelet: So Good Jewelry in San Diego.